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rants

long letter

do you like long letters? i was about to write one to you last night at 3 am. a birthday month letter or may be a birthday letter. as you can read now, i did not suceed and i am trying again. trying again to write, to bolster away the frozen layers from heart and […]

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rants

letter from me

in my dream, in wrote you a letter. i am awake now, the tv and radio both are playing around me, my father is the first to get up in our house and then i get up too. the weather has been humid, over the last couple of week. my eyes are still a little […]

Categories
rants

i surrender

i have been trying to breathe but it seems like there is no more fresh air to breathe, my lungs gasp. seeking for a fresh breath, fighting anxiety.yes, you are right-there is no need to fight and yet, i fight. i fight and fight and fight. it’s tiring to be this way to be honest, […]

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rants

fighting instant gratification

i am not sure about the timeline, as in when this started but off late – for many many many years. this has been going on. these cycles of instant gratification. the cycle of constantly chasing something, constantly trying to be somewhere and fighting with your inner self. the cycles of instant gratifaction make me […]

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poetry

i close my eyes

i close my eyes,and think about the placesi have not been to,the lakes,the mountains,the hills,the beaches i close my eyes,and think about the places,i have not been to,the lakes,the mountains,the hills,the beaches tanzim, i think of youand how we seldom talk toeach other, about each other –sometimes we do, sometimes i dotell about youto others […]

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poetry

i said ugly words to mother

i said ugly words,to mother, tanzim, my heart was taken bystorm, by literallack of sleeps,the cracks, in myheart, became wide open,i was afraid while i ate my dinner,unheartedly, cooked unheartedly,mother cooked it tanzim, whathappened to her,why are we sobroken i said ugly wordsto mother, in summer

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poetry

o’ dear tanzim

it has become ahabit now, tanzim,a very bad habit,i know, youare wondering –what am i talkingabout, wait –i know, i neverlet you speak,tanzim – o’ deartanzim – it takesso much courage,to just allow youto exist i will tellyou what mytherapist toldme once, she said“your locus of controlis external”,o’ dear tanzim,she was right i never listen,to […]

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rants

on ayurveda & experiments

ever since i was a kid, i was drawn towards mysticism, towards ideas of consciousness, nirvana, spirituality and of historical wisdom which my ancestors have to offer. i have seen my dada ji (grandfather – i call him badepapa) using neem stick for brushing his teeth, drinking loki (bottlegourd) & karela (bittergourd) juice and honestly […]

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poetry

a cup of chai

i sat with my family, my father and brother, with heavy heart, it’s been twenty, forty, i don’t know, how many days, since the lockdown, we sit with our dreamy eyes and hearts lit with passion, to do something, as we sit together, over a cup of chai, it’s only now that i’ve learnt- how […]

Categories
poetry

महंगे सपने | Expensive Dreams

दिल थोड़ा टूट-सा गया था,आज रात, घबराइए मत-अब इसे संभाल लिए है| थोड़ा-सा टूटा, थोड़ीआंख भर आईं,सच बताऊँ तो,थोड़ा रोने का मनतो अब भी है| ना जाने एकदर्द-सा है सीनेमें, थोड़ा बतानेकी कोशिश करी उन्हें-बस थोड़ा ही,शायद आज इसदर्द के साथ ही सोनाहोगा, अगर नींद आई तो-अपनेपुराने सपनों कोजो याद कर लियाथोड़ा-सा-यहसपने बहुत महंगे है।