day 5 [7th november 2018 11:02 pm] – surrender

i was reading my textbook on cognitive psychology, well yes, i did finally start reading. i have been avoiding it for months now, not textbook but just reading.

a few days back, someone told me “सपने बहुत है, मगर परिस्थितयों ने छीन लिए हैं।”
somewhere, somehow that is how i have been feeling, a lot, a lot has changed since the day i decided to quit my corporate job. from living an extremely independent life for four years, this year i have become highly dependent on my family because of my illness and somewhere, in between the struggle to heal, to walk…i’ve lost/forgotten my dreams and aspirations. actually, i would not say, i have forgotten but i have stopped priortizing on it. i think apart from tuberculosis, it is also because of the symbiotic set up i live in, with an extreme lack of personal space. there is no space or moments to think of self, only the stolen ones like these where i pause, observe and write.

i was reading an introductory chapter on cognitive psychology where the textbook mentioned how beautifully our minds have the ability to store and process language in a meaningful manner. language is combination of symbols of which we have learnt and its amusing how in just seconds our minds have learnt to interpret meaning out of it. it is beautiful!

what about feelings? how does one make sense out of what they feel?

i have often told myself that feelings are meant to be felt and not necessarily to be understood.

this feeling, though- which has persisted in my life for long, feeling of being caged. it is literally like that. being caged. just being inside a room, all the time.

well, i know, this will not last too long.

wandarers are not meant to stop by for long and i shall go on, soon.

happy diwali to all you lovely folks!

much love to you all!

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