it has become a
habit now, tanzim,
a very bad habit,
i know, you
are wondering –
what am i talking
about, wait –
i know, i never
let you speak,
tanzim – o’ dear
tanzim – it takes
so much courage,
to just allow you
to exist

i will tell
you what my
therapist told
me once, she said
“your locus of control
is external”,
o’ dear tanzim,
she was right

i never listen,
to you, i let you
wither inside of
me – trapped,
i would
say to myself
“i’m only
trying to save myself, afterall”

O’ dear tanzim,
i wish i
could learn to
save us both

i wish, tanzim,
that i would not
have sushed you
for all these years
and then blame
it on your mother

it pains my heart,
to see you and me,
when i do, breath
by breath

o’ dear tanzim,
i wish we could
save each other